


we’re not as alone as we feel

by Yulicia



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: F/F, Patch 5.0: Shadowbringers Spoilers, Patch 5.3: Reflections in Crystal Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:29:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27213460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yulicia/pseuds/Yulicia
Summary: The Scions were gone, and the Oracle of Light faces the new day without them.
Relationships: Gaia/Ryne | Minfilia
Comments: 5
Kudos: 56





	we’re not as alone as we feel

Ryne had not originally intended to spend her first day following the Scions’ departure in bed, but she found there was little else she wanted, or even could bring herself, to do. The world outside was suddenly more painful than it had ever been before, clogged full of warm and wonderful memories that she will never experience again. Her friends and her family were gone, and the world felt colder in their absence. 

She had tried to live this morning like any other day, but that had been a failure. All she was able to see were the ghosts of times past, of people she had not realised would have to leave so soon. Everywhere she looks she finds something that had once brought her joy soured in the absence of those who had made those moments joyful in the first place. She feels a fool for not having cherished the fleeting moments earlier. 

Everything hurt. She knew it would, but the correct prediction does not make the pain any less. She looks to the nightstand and sees an empty cup once filled, one that Thancred had brought to her the morning prior. She sees a book beside it, and remembers the moments where, after some asking, Urianger would read to her. She even feels the soft wool of the blankets against her skin and is reminded of weary nights spent gossiping in here with the Leveilleurs, forgoing sleep for giggles and memories. 

She looks to the window and sees crystalline, clear daylight, and is reminded of the journey she had taken to help return it. She sees them everywhere, and in everything, and wonders, idly, if it might have been better had she never met them at all. 

She didn’t think it was possible to feel this lonely. She thinks, for this moment at least, she might be the loneliest person on the First. 

She would have felt silly, had she not been so upset. Here she was, hero of the First, unable to get out of bed. She needed to eat. She needed to bathe. She didn’t want to do either. 

She knew Thancred wouldn’t have wanted her to be like this. The thought just made her feel worse. She was sure she was disappointing him. His pride had been misplaced, she thought. She couldn’t handle this at all. 

Ryne barely registers the sound of the door opening. 

“I thought you’d be here.” 

Ryne’s eyes grow wide. She was most certainly not expecting company. Her eyes darted to the door and found a familiar face in her new guest; a figure draped in black, with lips a plum purple. 

“Gaia…!” Ryne gasps. “What are you doing here?”

“Uh, looking for you?” Gaia replies, her tone implying that her answer was the most obvious thing in the world. “Have you been here all day?” 

Ryne suddenly feels a bit embarrassed. She ducks her head in shame. Even this,  _ moping _ , she could not do right. 

She hears Gaia sigh, followed by the sound of her heels against the floorboards. Ryne had always been in awe of those shoes, and was a little envious that she could never pull it off herself. On Gaia they were cool, but she knew she would just look silly. 

“This is about yesterday, isn’t it?” Gaia starts. “I mean, of course it is,” she scoffs to herself as to berate herself for such a silly question. “Do you want to talk about it?” 

“Um…” Ryne starts. “I don’t know.” She doesn’t think she’d be able to without crying again. 

Gaia raises a brow in question. “You don’t know.”

“I… just… it hurts,” Ryne confesses. She realises that now that she has said that, she is unlikely to stop, and so she lets herself continue, “I wish we had more time. There was so much left for them to teach me. And.. I miss them. I miss them so much already. Everything I look at reminds me of them and it just makes me miss them even more and more until I feel dried out and empty.” 

She says this all in a rush, and by the end she realises her eyes are filled with tears. She’s a bit surprised she still has tears left. She blinks and the tears run free, now on an unstoppable war path. 

“I don’t know what to do without them,” she whispers. “I mean, I do, but it’s so hard to think of doing it on my own. I was so lucky… and I,” her breath catches, “and I squandered it all.” 

Gaia is silent, and so Ryne continues. 

“I went to the Tower this morning. It was the only place my feet could take me and I knew, I knew that when I touched that barrier nothing would happen, and yet I touched it anyway. I had hoped, and hoped, and hoped, and then was met with despair and what is the  _ point  _ of being the Oracle, of  _ being _ hope _ ,  _ if I can’t even give it to myself!” 

She realises she’s raised her voice. An anger floods through her, one she has not yet had a moment to feel. 

“It’s… unfair!” Ryne exclaims, her voice watery. “Everyone is counting on me, and I can’t even count on myself! I can’t even leave this room! What good am I?” 

It feels like something in her was cracked, like splittering glass. Gaia had simply leaned on the crack and caused the whole mirror to crash down into a ruined heap. 

“Would it have been better to forget? To have never known them? Would it have been better if I stayed with Eulmore, and Ranjit, and their gilded cage - at least they would never,” she takes a deep, shuddering breath, and her voice shakes on the next word, “leave!”

When she stops she can hear her own sobbing, and can feel the heaviness of gasping breaths against her chest. Gaia hasn’t said a word, and she feels utterly ridiculous. She wished she hadn’t said anything. 

She hears a shuffling beside her. She looks up with tears in her eyes and, through the blur, she sees Gaia looking at her with a deep pity. She notices Gaia is holding out her arms, wordlessly waiting for Ryne to fall into them. 

Tentatively, Ryne shifts closer, taking her invitation and wrapping her arms around Gaia’s middle. She isn’t planning on completely collapsing but, as with so many things lately, her intentions fall flat and she instead throws herself against Gaia, hands gripping tightly at the dress against her back. She’s sure her knuckles are white. She presses her face against Gaia’s shoulders, and shakes, crying against her. 

“You better not get snot on my dress,” Gaia says, but there’s no bite to it. It makes Ryne laugh a little, at least. 

Through the flow of pain and tears Ryne feels Gaia card her hand through her hair, fingers light against Ryne’s scalp. Ryne wishes she was a little more coherent to appreciate it. 

There is a moment of silence before Gaia speaks.

“Memories are worth keeping,” Gaia says simply. “Even the ones that hurt.” 

Ryne suddenly feels terrible. She’s been callous, and in her tirade had not realised she had been lamenting the presence of happy memories to someone who still has very few memories at all. 

“I’m sorry—“ she starts. 

“Don’t,” Gaia snaps, her voice commanding and forceful. “I know you’re thinking it. This isn’t pity Gaia time, this is Ryne time.”

Ryne feels Gaia rest her chin against her head. “They’ll be back. One day, they’ll be back, or you’ll go to them, and it will all be sweetness and light and you’ll forget why you were ever upset.” Gaia’s voice is quiet, and Ryne can feel the rumble of her chest as she speaks. “Until then, cherish what you had. Be sad. Be angry. But remember  _ why. _ Remember  _ why  _ it hurts.”

Ryne sniffs. She knows why it hurts, why it aches. “Because I was loved.”

“You still are,” Gaia says. “I’m sure they’re in their own world feeling just the same.”

Ryne lets herself smile a bit, hidden as she is against Gaia. “You think so…?” 

“I bet they’re sick with worry,” Gaia said. “So let’s give them nothing to worry about.”

Ryne frowns, momentarily confused. She pulls back to look at Gaia. 

Gaia looks down at her. She’s smiling. “We’re going to go out. We’re going to get you out of this stuffy room, and into that bright new world, and we are going to eat the gross food you like and forget about everything else.” 

“It’s not gross…” Ryne protests weakly. 

“It is. I don’t know  _ where  _ you got your palette but deserts so full of sugar you can feel your teeth rotting are disgusting.” 

Ryne pouts. She knows exactly what Gaia is talking about. She likes those sweets… they even put powdered sugar on the top that made your fingers all sticky. 

“Don’t give me that look,” Gaia laughs. “You know I’m right.”

Ryne feels hands against her face, gently cupping her cheeks. She is still as she feels Gaia’s fingers wipe away the tears under her eyes. She only then realises she has stopped crying. 

There is a warmth that grows within her chest. It is small, barely an ember, but it is the best thing she has felt all day. Her family might be a world away, but her best friend was still here. Gaia was still here. 

“You’re loved, too, Gaia.”

Gaia freezes. Ryne knows she isn’t quite sure what to say. “Thanks,” she ends on, rather lamely. “Anyway, get up! Don’t you have a world to save again?” 

Things would be okay, Ryne thought. She wasn’t as alone as she felt. She had Gaia, and Gaia had her, and for now, that was enough. 


End file.
